Fuck

13 03 2007

Fuck. I can’t think of a better word to say. It is one of those days when you crave a cigarette, not for the nicotine rush but for the moment when time slows down as you drag on the fag. I need time so stop right now so that I can reflect on the state of my design.

When an idea is thrusted into your unwilling arms by a tutor desperate to have something to show for when a foreign visitor arrives, you know you have a recipe for disaster in your hands. I have no ownership of my design, not when preconceived notions are already formed in the mind of my tutor; any design gesture I make is panned and scarely given a hearing, dismissed with nary a comment, or demeaned with a caustic remark — “there is no excuse Eng Kiat”.

I am not one to engage in verbal sparring. I rather show my disagreement by executing in action what I think is right instead of wasting verbose effort. But when that is interpreted as submissiveness on my part, I think it only shows the depth of empathy on the part of the other party. When whatever counterproposals I come up with is ignored and scarcely looked at (and be passed off as a juvenile attempt) in light of a preconceived notion not made known to me, I think it is impossible to design.

How does one design, when whatever is proposed is judged against a mental picture in the mind of the critic of how it SHOULD look like, or how it SHOULD be done? Is pluralism not acceptable? Or is it because I am already judged to be incompetent, henceforth whatever move I make will not be judged in a fair light?

Am I incompetent?

FUCK.

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3 responses

15 03 2007
sunrise

you are by no means incompetent. leats of all in this area. don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise

28 03 2007
Clarence

Hey Eng Kiat, Qiyuan here. Haha, you know the state of education in NUS, so let this incident worry you not.

I feel why NUS will never make it world-class in our(NUS students) minds is because the staff are only interested in furthering their own interests. THEY SUCK, not us.

28 03 2007
engkiat

Hi thanks for the thumbs up. When one experiences life in a university besides that of NUS one realises how little local students factor in the scheme of things. With subsidised education, we hardly bring in money; as undergraduates we do little research work so we have little impact in the university rankings. Sad.

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