Someone enlighten me on a clean and efficient method to bump off my room mate

24 01 2005

Things that I’ve done this evening:
1. Sweep the room.
2. Arrange the bookshelves.
3. De-odour the room.
4. Wipe the fan.
5. Mop the floor.
6. Clean the rugs.

Things the leech in my room did today:
1. Vegetate.
2. Eat and stink up a recently nice-smelling room.
3. Vegetate.
4. Watch me clean.
5. Vegetate.
6. Watch me mop.
7. Watch internet-TV.
8. Fall asleep while waiting for the TV to load.
9. Use up a 2-week old box of tissues.

On that last count, even with my sinus and running nose, it takes me 3 months on average to polish off one box of tissues. So for him to use up one entire box in 2 weeks is incredible. I don’t mind my stuff being used, but by that blob of fluid-filled parasitic carbon-based organism, NO NO NO! (Please refer to earlier blog below for a short list of the major sins he has committed against me). As a note, the only way he can possibly use up so much tissue is that he wanks himself dry. Of which I have this stinking suspicion that he does VERY often. EWWWW!!!

Did I tell you that he doesn’t dispose of his tissues in his own trash-bin? I use coloured tissue so if he uses copious amounts it would be very obvious if he throws them in his bin. But mine? To his bird-brain it probably seems pretty logical. Except that I didn’t use any the past few days.

So anyway, does anyone out there has a solution for me on how to bump him off without the need to physically dispose of his jism-filled sack? *Pukes*



3 responses

24 01 2005

Gee…if he w***s himself dry and uses your tissue AND throws the tissue into your bin…and..oh gosh..perish the thought!

I think the first thing you should do is ask him to fill up his own dustbin. At the very least.

24 01 2005

1. throw him a girl… (u’ll prob have to hire one)
2. give him lots of papaya to eat.
3. throw his laptop n vent ur anger on it
4. when he is unconscious, which should be v often,
shave one of his leg, and apply hair tonic on the other.
5. get aquainted with his stupid alarm clock. turn off the alarms so tt he’ll miss all his lessons. FAIL!
6. b4 he wakes up, tune the alarm 3 hours behind time. after he slept thru the lesson, turn back to the normal time
7. pin up a write up on the 7 deadly sins committed by a roommate on ur blk3 notice board.

24 01 2005

He didn’t attend a single lecture last sem cuz his alarm clock is for waking me up to wake him up and then to ignore my wake-up calls. If you get what I mean. No girl in her right mind (whores included) would want a slob. Shaving the legs is a good idea tho. Heh heh heh. He probably won’t be the first to notice. The 7 deadly sins is a good idea too. I’ve already publicly cursed the guy who pissed all over the toilet bowl on a separate occasion before so that shouldn’t be a problem. *evil grin*

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